Emotional Neglect: What It Is and How to Start Healing
Growing up, I internalized a message that has taken me years to unlearn: my emotions don’t matter.
I wasn’t taught how to process feelings or express vulnerability. When emotions felt overwhelming, I was sent to my room to calm down or, at times, I would choose to isolate myself until I could be calm again. Being overly positive became my coping mechanism, and I learned to suppress my emotional world, thinking others should do the same. But as I got older, things started to unravel, and I realized there was more to my emotional struggles than I had first understood.
The Emotional Disconnect
In my twenties, I was blindsided by the intensity of my anger. It felt like I had been carrying this weight for years without fully understanding where it came from. I knew my childhood hadn’t been “bad,” so why did I feel so disconnected, so empty, so out of touch with my emotions? I began searching for answers through therapy, reading, and a lot of Google searches. I even asked my parents if there had been any trauma in my childhood, however they assured me there wasn’t any. But something wasn’t adding up.
Then, one day, I stumbled upon the term emotional neglect, and everything clicked. It wasn’t about what did happen in my childhood; it was about what didn’t happen. Emotional neglect isn’t about overt harm or trauma—it’s the absence of emotional attention, validation, and connection. It’s not that my parents intentionally ignored my emotions, but rather, my emotional needs went largely unmet. And that absence left me feeling invisible and disconnected from myself.
This realization was both relieving and painful. It explained so much about my emotional landscape.
The Hidden Struggle
As an adult, this disconnect manifested in many ways. I struggled to express my feelings in relationships and often felt overwhelmed by my reactions, unable to name what I was really feeling. I would experience intense emotions but couldn’t trace them back to their source. It wasn’t that I lacked emotions; I internalized the message that I needed to hide them in order to feel safe in this world. This emotional repression carried into all areas of my life, leaving me with a sense of internal chaos that I didn’t know how to manage.
Healing from Emotional Neglect
The journey to healing has been long, but recognizing the effects of emotional neglect was the first step. I’ve learned to slow down, acknowledge my feelings, and give myself permission to feel without judgment. Slowly but surely, I’ve started to reclaim the parts of myself that were lost in that emotional void.
We are all human, and emotions are a vital part of what makes us who we are. When we internalize the message that “our emotions don’t matter,” it can evolve into the belief that we don’t matter. This belief creates an emptiness that can lead to depression or even despair. But here’s the truth: your emotions matter. They deserve to be seen, felt, and honored, no matter how quietly they surface.
How to Start Healing from Emotional Neglect
Healing doesn’t happen in a single dramatic moment. It’s a process of quiet unfoldings—a journey of small, intentional steps that bring you closer to your authentic self. Here are some ways to begin reconnecting with yourself and your emotions:
Pay attention to your emotions – Begin by noticing what you feel throughout the day. Ask yourself questions like, “What am I feeling right now?” or “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” or “Why am I upset or bothered by this situation? What is the emotion” Even if the answers are unclear, simply practicing awareness is a meaningful step forward.
Practice self-compassion – Remind yourself that your emotions are valid, no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient they may seem. Treat yourself with the kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend.
Journal your feelings – Writing can create a safe space to process emotions. Use your journal to explore what you’re feeling, why those emotions might be surfacing, and how you can respond to them with care. Be as honest as you can and don’t censor yourself, allow everything to come forward.
Seek professional support – Therapy can provide invaluable tools and guidance for unpacking the layers of emotional neglect. A therapist can help you navigate the nuances of your feelings and offer strategies to support your healing journey. Sometimes, if you’re open to it, it’s healing to let all your tangled feelings spill out to a therapist and have them reflect back what you’re experiencing. They can put into words what you couldn’t quite name yourself
Celebrate small victories – Progress may feel slow, but healing happens in the quiet moments: naming an emotion, expressing how you feel, or simply sitting with your emotions without judgment. These small steps will eventually bring about profound transformation.
Closing Thoughts
Healing from emotional neglect doesn’t demand grand gestures; it unfolds quietly, in the small moments when you allow yourself to feel, to be seen, and to matter. These gentle unfoldings guide you back to yourself, reminding you of your worth and humanity.
Your emotions are a vital part of who you are, and they deserve to be honored. As you take this journey, remember that you are worthy of connection—both with yourself, God, and others. Healing begins with giving yourself permission to feel, little by little, until you find wholeness again.
With love,
